


This Wasn't Supposed To Be Our Lives

by HarperRose (Harper_Rose)



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Always a girl Tony, Codependency, F/F, Female Loki, Female Tony Stark, Loki Whump, NOT always a girl Loki, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve and Tony are BFFs, Tony Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:50:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6232255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harper_Rose/pseuds/HarperRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's been missing, and six months later she resurfaces when a wormhole opens and spits both her and Loki out in the middle of Manhattan. </p><p>No one knows where she's been or why Loki seems to be the only person she trusts.</p><p>Also... why is Loki suddenly a woman?</p><p>///</p><p>featuring always a woman Tony and a Loki that's whatever gender she pleases because she’s a magical fucking god!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago and am finally posting it. Also, SO not AOU compliant. Like, at all. Basically, anything after the Avengers (2012), ignore it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: 14/12/17

Dozens of black SUVs swarm around her and kick up dust. Her entire body shakes with violent tremors and it's a miracle that she can still stand. Her hair that hangs loose and limp, whips in the wind and shrouds her pale and ashen face. She can feel the blood that is splattered across her suit where it dried across her face, burning her skin. Her helmet is somewhere forgotten, cracked and battered in the rubble that is Central Park. Why is it always Central Park?

Tony swallows against the rising bile in her throat, feeling unsteady and exhausted. Her knees buckle and she steadies herself against the dirt and bark.

"Iron Man!"

Tony's head swerves, searching.

"Iron Man, lower your weapon."

That is Cap, Tony is sure of it. She can clearly see him now through the dust; his bright uniform stands out like a beacon in the midst of all the rubble and chaos. He looks almost godly, a soft glow resonates behind him from the glare of headlights. His hand twitches closer to his shield.

"Lower your weapon," he repeats.

Tony doesn't understand, what is he-?

_Oh!_

There are rows of SHIELD agents completely surrounding her, all are crouched with their weapons drawn and prepared to take out their target. She has a sinking feeling it's her.

Carefully, she lowers her hands and the repulsors die down with a faint glow and a soft hum. She has been aiming straight for Steve. She could have killed him at the twitch of a finger. She hadn't realized…

"Tony- Tony look at me!" Cap proceeds. His voice is soothing and soft as if speaking to a spooked child. "Are you with me? Tony?"

She gives a jerky nod. Her mind is racing and she is breathing heavy, chest heaving. She can't think, her mind is screaming, she can't  _think!_

"It's going to be okay, Tony."

"Steve? What -?"

"It's going to be alright." Steve carefully steps forward, inching closer.

 _Where is Loki?_ she wonders. She has to find her, she has to know she is okay. Was she still alive? Did she make it through?

"Where's-" Tony's voice catches in her throat.

"It's okay Tony. You're safe now, you're safe," he promises.

She nods, feeling so numb. Steve gently touches her shoulder and she feels such great relief that she hardly notices when her knees give out. Steve catches her before she can meet the pavement. She wants to sink into him and let his warmth wrap around her like a cacoon. “Steve." Her voice is so slurred it is hardly coherent. She feels like she is fading, consciousness becomes more and more difficult to maintain and to grasp on to. She needs to stay awake, she _has_ to. “Steve.”

He kneels, lowering the two of them to the ground and cradling her head. “It’s okay, Tony. You’re okay.”

She coughs. “Loki,” her throat burns when she speaks. “Loki, where-”

“We got him,” Steve says. “SHIELD has him, he’s in custody.”

Tony shakes her head. “N-”

“Shhh, Tony, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re _safe.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tony wakes with a start, gasping and chest heaving.

“Tony, _Tony!”_

Her head spins around quick enough to make it _really_ spin. “Steve.”

“Hey." He smiles and, to Tony, it's the sun. “How’re you feeling?” He reaches out and brushes the stray strand of hair from her eyes.

“Thirsty,” she croaks.

"Oh, right! Here." He hands her a plastic cup of water with a bright little bendy straw which she accepts gratefully. She wonders who in SHIELD is purchasing rainbow bendy straws. Or did Steve bring it himself? The thought of Captain America sneaking rainbow straws through SHIELD security makes her smile.

“How long have I been out?” She asks.

Steve takes the cup from her and sets it on the bedside table. "Two days," he says. "You’re pretty banged up but you’re stable. You’re on a drip for dehydration and malnourishment. There are several lacerations on your arms and frostbite on your fingers. They said you were on the brink of hypothermia." Steve heaves a shaky sigh and rests his head in his hands. Tony frowns. “God, _Tony,_ we were so worried.”

She swallows. “How long-”

_“Six months.”_

Tony blinks. That can't be right. “Six-?”

"Closer to five and a half. We had no idea if you were even alive, Tony. We looked everywhere for you and then after all that time you just, you just show up in the middle of Central Park through a portal that just _opens up in the middle of the sky-!”_ His voice breaks and he takes a deep breath. It hurts Tony's chest to see him this worked up. “It was like Manhattan all over again. And then Loki, who-”

“Where’s Loki?” Tony asks. Hearing the name sends a roll of anxiety through Tony's stomach “Where is she?”

Steve frowns, confusion creasing his brow. “He- _She_ is in lockup.” The pronouns trip the captain's tongue.

Tony nods once and throws her blankets aside.

“Whoa, whoa, where are you going?” Steve asks, his hands fluttering over Tony like a worried mother.

That fiery Stark determination is in her eyes despite how out of it she feels. “I need to see her.”

Steve shakes his head. “Uh, okay. But, I really don’t think you’re up for moving around just yet. Like I said Tones, you’re pretty banged up. Not to mention malnourished and dehydrated and you have a concussion- Tony sit down!” He grabs her arm with enough strength to keep her from getting up, but not enough to hurt. Still, she thinks she can feel the press of his thumbs against her humerus.

“Look,” Tony begins. She looks Steve in the eye. “I _need_ to see Loki, alright? And I know that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you right now, but I really don’t care! A lot happens in six months and I _need to see Loki.”_

Steve sighs, “Tony. You need to sleep.”

  
“No, no, I-”

“Ms. Stark!” A pretty SHIELD doctor slips past her curtain divider, smiling in a too bright way and with an annoying pep in her step. “I’m happy to see you’re awake, although we really didn’t expect that for some time.”

“Yeah, yeah. Look, I need out of here, so why don’t you fetch me a wheelchair and we can get this freakshow moving.”

Steve's frown grows more distinct and if he's not careful his face will get stuck like that.

Tony rolls her eyes. _"P_ _lease_ get me a wheelchair?”

“Ms. Stark, you need your rest. You’ve experienced a traumatic event, your body is still recovering," the doctor says. "Director Fury has instructed me to keep you here overnight for observation. There’s a psychiatrist on hand-”

“Whoa, whoa, I don’t need a damn psychiatrist!” Tony shouts.

“Okay, Tony, calm down. No one’s going to make you see a shrink,” Steve says. He rests a hand on her shoulder and he watches her fall back against the mattress, her chest heaving with sporadic breaths. She is exhausted and ill, bespoke dark smudges like bruises accessorize both eyes. She is pale and drawn, her face pinched with pain. She is straining herself too far. She needs rest.

Tony sets her jaw stubbornly.

The doctor purses her lips and glances between Tony and Steve. “Why don’t I leave you to get some rest.” She looks to Steve. “Captain, feel free to increase her morphine intake by no more than two notches if she begins experiencing strong amounts of pain.”

Steve nods dutifully. “Yes ma’am, thank you.”

Tony sits back with her eyes closed. She is so tired. “I don’t need a psychiatrist,” she mumbles into her pillow.

“I know you don’t Tony,” he says quietly, running his hand through her hair.

“Feels nice.”

Steve smiles and kisses her lightly on the brow. “Get some sleep, Tony. I’ll let the others know you’re alright.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony goes to talk with Loki. Steve is Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the one comment (thank you commenter) this received, I decided to wrap up chapter two real quick. Here you go one commenter. I'm glad you liked it.

Steve waits outside the door per Tony’s request, hanging back to give her some privacy. It has taken a lot of convincing to get the medical staff to allow her out of bed. As annoying as it is, she can't be too pissed, she looks like hell and she knows it. She has lost weight, she is littered with bruises and scars, her fingers are wrapped to treat the frostbite and two are splinted to heal a fracture. It isn't a terribly sexy sight.

She wheels herself up to the glass, Loki hasn't seen her yet. The other woman -- goddess -- is dressed in a pale shirt-pants two piececombo, courtesies of SHIELD, and sitting with her legs folded beneath her. Her eyes are shut _._  If Tony didn't know better, she would think Loki is meditating.Tony frowns.

She gently taps the glass with her knuckle.Her other hand twists in the blanket that is wrapped around her legs, clenching the fabric.

Loki’s sharp eyes lock onto Tony and the tension in her shoulders immediately drains just a hair. Her legs unfold gracefully and she marches towards the glass, her hands balling into pale fists. “Tony,” she breaths. The relief is evident in every syllable. “They wouldn’t tell me anything. I have been worried. I didn't- I- I had no idea if you were alive,” she says. Tony can see the fear in her eyes, a haunted look that Tony is sure she reflects.

Tony swallows and gives her a weak smile. Loki looks like a wreck too, her hair is a mess and she looks extremely exhausted. There are dark bruises her forehead that accent the healing cut she must have received in their little _plummet_ to Earth. “They wouldn’t let me see you.”

Loki looks angered by that so she elaborates.

“I’ve been asleep most of the time, so.” Tony wets her lips.

Loki sighs, deflating a little more, it hurts Tony to see. She leans against the glass and Tony places her hand on it. It isn't good enough, she wants to  _touch._ She needs to know Loki is okay, that she it here. That they are both real and alive and  _okay._ It is stupid and irrational.

Loki raises her own hand, placing her palm flat against Tony’s.

“I was worried,” Loki says quietly. Tony wonders if she is lowering her voice on purpose, so the mics won't pick it up. She swallows, her eyes bouncing around Tony’s face, drinking in her every feature like a woman parched.

“Yeah, me too,” Tony says softly.

“What do they know?” Loki asks.

“Nothing yet,” Tony says. “Unless you’ve said anything?”

Loki shakes her head wordlessly.

“They know a wormhole spit us out over Manhattan, obviously. No one’s asked me about it yet actually.” She shrugs a shoulder. “I think Steve’s keeping the wolves at bay for me. He wants to ask though, I can tell, but as for now he’s treating me with kiddie gloves.” It would be annoying if it wasn't for her strong desire to not talk about it. For now, she appreciates it.

“Ah, the Captain. Is he the one that retrieved you?” Loki asks.

Tony nods and hums. Her fingers tap out a rhythm against the glass.

“I had the unfortunate pleasure of Agent Romanov-”

Tony snorts. “Say no more.”

Loki watches her smile, imagining the bound to be an unpleasant encounter. “She is not exactly a fan of mine.”

“No, she is not.” Tony sighs and runs her hand through her hair. Steve had helped her into the shower and her hair is still a little damp. It has felt so nice to be clean, with shampoo and the works. Even if Rogers was lingering in the next room the entire time and insisted on leaving the door cracked _just in case._ She had rolled her eyes but let him stay all the same, if it gave the guy peace of mind then she would let it slide. She needs him too.

The others aren't so easy though. Clint is walking on eggshells around her and isn't that just weird as all fuck? Since when is Clint the compassionate ‘I’m in touch with my feelings’ sort of guy? She thinks it may have something to do with that new partner of his but she can't really be bothered to ask about it. And then there's Bruce who stopped by the other day for a few hours. He had brought her her tablet and the _Science_ magazines she has missed, not that there is anything of real interest in those. They pass the time though. It is beyond nice having Jarvis through the tablet. Nat is okay, she never has been very chatty, but Tony can read her concern in her body language and it is freaking Tony out.

They are worried about her, and she understands that. Really. And she wishes she could do something to help but it isn't her fault that she keeps waking up from bad dreams about wormholes and invasions and giants and cold. Or that she jumps whenever someone comes into her room without announcing themselves (have they heard of knocking!?). Or that she isn't hungry. Or that she can hardly sleep because no matter how many layers, she is always just so  _cold._

Her worry for Loki hasn't been helping either. She thinks the only reason Steve hasn't thrown a fit about her visiting Loki today is that he is hoping it will help her. Even if they can't understand it.

“I’m assuming I’m a prisoner,” Loki drawls.

Tony looks down at her lap, removing her hand from the glass. "Steve says SHIELD’s keeping you on high security. Which explains the rows of armed guards outside those doors. They're trying to get in touch with Thor.”

Tony can see Loki stiffen. She swallows and takes a step away from the glass.

Tony heaves a sigh. “Look, Loki-”

“Thor-”

“Could be some help.”

“Or he could drag me back to Asgard where I am _supposed_ to be. Lock me up in another cell.”

“Or he could be useful.” She lowers her voice, “he could help prove your innocence, Loki.”

“Thor would not assist me,” Loki says assuredly.

“He might help me though.” Tony brushes her hair out of her eyes, tugging a little. “We’re ‘shield brothers’.” she smiles. “Or, you know, kin.”

“The amount of faith you have in my brother is amusing.”

“Yeah, well you haven’t exactly been forthcoming. I don’t know if you’re forgetting, but you weren’t the only one that had been abandoned on that _rock-”_ Tony’s voice brakes and fractures and catches in her throat like gravel. She covers her mouth with a trembling hand and tries to gather herself. She doesn't want to cry -- she is  _fine._

Loki watches Tony bury her face in her hands with an expression akin to horror. “Tony-”

The mechanic holds her hand up, trying to catch her breath. “Shutup.”

Loki obediently shuts her mouth with a _click._

There are reasons she hasn't discussed the past six months with anyone. She isn't ready to rehash all that, even with Loki.

“My apologies,” Loki breathes.

Tony shakes her head, her eyes downcast and fixed on the small fibers of her blanket. It's from the Tower, Steve had been kind enough to fetch it for her. He thought that something from home, something familiar, will console her. She isn't nearly so sentimental about the items she buys, but she appreciates Steve's thoughtfulness. “No, it’s not your fault.”

“I am still sorry. Forgive me.”

When Tony's raises her gaze, Loki is no longer facing her, but traipsing back to her cot. There is a small limp in her step that has Tony's brows drawing together in a tight frown.

“So your plan is to convince Thor to convince your teammates to somehow trust me?” Loki inquires doubtfully. “Does that not sound a little farfetched? Even if I were to somehow gain their trust we have no proof of our claims. No evidence to prove my innocence.” She tosses her hands in the air in frustration, spinning back around. “Nothing, Tony.” She throws herself down on her cot with a huff, her hands running through her hair with agitation. She tugs on the dark, thick locks and piles them up on the top of her head, only to release them all and let them cascade back over her shoulders.

“It’ll be alright,” Tony says. “It has to be.”

“That’s awfully hopeful,” Loki scoffs.

“It’s not hope. It’s just...” She shrugs. “It has to work out. It's the only option.”

Tony sits back with her thumbnail between her teeth and watches Loki hunch in on herself on the shitty cot. They haven't had a lot of options here. Even if Tony isn't restricted to a wheelchair they don't have many choices. There isn't a choice. Loki is a criminal, a supervillain, on this planet -- this _realm,_ what the fuck ever you want to call it! SHIELD isn't going to let Loki go free and breaking her out and making a run for it together isn't a choice either. Tony can't leave the team, and hell! where the fuck will they even go? Getting back to Earth has been their objective for months. And now they're here and don't know what to do.

Tony lets out a pent-up breath. “I’m going back to the Tower tonight,” she says. “I know the team’s curious and I owe them some sort of fucking explanation.”

Loki looks grim. “You’re going to tell them?”

Tony shrugs. “As much as I can. I don’t, I don’t know how much I _can_ tell them. It’s not exactly a- a fun conversation, you know?”

“I would offer to explain myself but we both know they would not take my word as truth.”

“God of lies and all,” Tony quips. Ever so helpful.

Loki chuckles. “I suppose I don’t have the best track record with your team,” she says with a smile.

“Yeah, well, they trust me so hopefully I can get them to come around.” Tony tries giving her a smile but thinks it may come across as more of a grimace so she gives up trying. She releases a shaky breath. Her head is starting to hurt again, and she is pretty sure that ‘slight’ concussion is a little severe than they had said, too. “I’ll come back, tomorrow.”

If Loki looks bothered by Tony leaving again, she keeps it to herself. Tony, on the other hand, is torn. The last thing she wants to do is abandon Loki in the hands of Nick Fury and his little pet agents. But she really doesn't think that she can do the whole, ‘so this is where I spent the last six months’ thing here. Besides, Steve is hellbent on getting her home. There really is no arguing with him when he is in a _mood._

Tony gnaws on her bottom lip before saying softly, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Loki looks up, green eyes sharp and filled to the brim with so much emotion it takes Tony’s breath away. The goddess smiles sadly and says, “See you tomorrow.”

Tony presses her lips together till they form a thin line. There is so much more she wants to say, that she wants Loki to know. She can't just leave her here. Eventually, she nods, more to herself really (reassuring herself that this isn't super shitty of her, just abandoning the person that has saved her fucking life in the hands of a rinky-dink, not totally legal, secret agency) before maneuvering her chair around and wheeling towards the doors where Steve is waiting.

He doesn't say anything to her at first. He just pushes away from the wall he has been resting against. It is obvious he wants to though, say something. However, a quick glance around at the several SHIELD agents that are armed to the teeth and another look at Tony shuts him up. He holds his tongue until they are a good few yards down the hall. Steve pushes her chair.

“You okay, Tones?” He asks.

Tony hums, her thumb between her teeth. “Where’s Nat?” She asks. “Wasn’t she here earlier?” She isn't positive, that might have been yesterday that Nat stopped by. Her head is really killing her.

“She’s getting the jet prepped,” he says.

“Mmmh.” Tony massages her temple, suddenly very glad that Steve is pushing. God, where the fuck are those pain pills?

“You alright? Headache?”

She swallows and makes a noncommittal noise.

“Clint has your prescription,” he says apologetically. After a pause and the rounding of a few corners, he says, “Jarvis has missed you.”

“He’s a program, technically he can’t feel a thing,” she retorts, throwing the blanket from her lap over her head to block out the _fucking ridiculous_ fluorescent lights.

Steve smirks. “You may have built him a little _too well_ then. And, quite frankly, I think he would be offended to hear you say such a thing.”

Tony snorts. “Shut the fuck up Steve.”

Steve laughs loudly, drawing a few head turns out of some passing agents. He doesn't mind though, Tony s home and he is content.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony goes home... Loki makes friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyye!!!! It's been like four months and I'm finally updating!
> 
> I really wasn't expecting the feedback this got. Seriously, you guys are the best. Because this got the reviews it did I decided to start working on it again, so here's a rather long chapter for you. Hopefully the next one will be soon!

Tony is exhausted and she wants to see Loki. They aren't _letting_ her see Loki. They won't-

Steve says she should stay home and rest another day, but Tony had told Loki she will be back _tomorrow._ She needs to go back, she needs to see her. Tony said she would see her. 

“Tony?”

She blinks. “What?”

It's Steve. He is smiling but it looks fake and fragile. She doesn't like it, it isn't right- it's-

“You were ah, just sort of sitting there with this blank look,” he says. His face is red and his cheeks are flushed. He is sweating or has been, dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He must have just got back from his morning run. What time is it?

Tony sweeps her hair out of her face. “Sorry, just… thinking.”

“Lot on your mind?”

She shrugs. “Natasha says Fury isn't letting me see Loki-"

“You need more rest,” Steve insists.

She shakes her head vehemently. “No, I need to see Loki. She’s alone in there. I left her with SHIELD. She’s not safe and I _promised_ that I would visit her _today,_ Steve.”

The blonde looks away from Tony’s gaze. “I know you said you’d be back, but, Tony, you’re still injured and you’re in pain. You're refusing to take your meds. You need to focus on your own health first.”

“Fuck my own health.” Tony frowns, her eyes sharp enough to cut. “I wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for her.”

Tony hates this- this helplessness. She needs to be doing something, but her hands are still shaking and her head still spins and pounds and she feels like vomiting when she tries to walk. That takes working in the garage off the table. She has tried watching TV but there is only so long someone can sit in front of a screen at three-thirty in the morning watching reruns of shitty nineties sitcoms.

“How long have you been up?” Steve asks. “You’re usually asleep when I get back from my run.”

Tony shrugs. “I don’t know, I woke up around two? Two-thirty. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Too much, too much going on up here,” she says, tapping a thin finger against her skull.

Steve frowns. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“God no.” She will already have to talk about it to a SHIELD psychiatrist. And then there's the debrief Bruce has managed to convince Fury to postpone --God bless that man.

“Alright, how about some breakfast then?”

“Sounds good.”

The smell of food -- eggs and ham and bacon and potatoes and pancakes -- soon pulls the rest of the house to the communal kitchen.

Tony doesn't notice the new occupants until Clint pulls the chair out next to her’s. The legs screech against the hardwood. Tony physically startles and watches the archer throw himself down at the table. He sets a glass of orange juice down in front of her. She blinks dumbly at it before looking back at him, watching him take a big drink of coffee.

“Uhm, thanks?”

“You need fluids,” he says. “You’re still dehydrated.”

“So give me coffee.”

“Your body needs nutrients. You know, vitamins, potassium. That stuff. _Not_ coffee.” He says firmly.

“Coffee has potassium.”

Clint rolls his eyes. “Yeah, it’s also full of caffeine and, after you get a hold of it, sugar and that nasty hazelnut creamer.” His nose crinkles in distaste.

“It’s not nasty,” she retorts. “And, what the hell? You write some kinda healthy eating lifestyle book while I was gone? Run a ‘fit for life’ blog now?  _Eating Clean and Straight with Clint Barton?_ _"_

“Like you know anything about ‘straight’.”

“Oh-ho!” She claps her palm against the table top loudly. “Clever.”

Barton’s eyes shine with mirth. She has missed this. Him. Fuck if it isn't… comforting? To be back. Here. Bickering with Clint. It really is the simple things, huh.

“You look like shit, you sleep at all?” Clint asks, taking a sip of coffee.

Tony takes a drink of her orange juice and shrugs. “You know how to make a girl feel special.”

He spreads his palms. “It’s a gift.”

She scoffs. “I’m sure.”

She runs a hand through her hair, brushing it to one side, and looks up. Tasha is at the counter with Thor, and Bruce is lingering by Steve as the blonde cooks them all breakfast. Bruce is leaning against the counter and talking about… something. He has his glasses on in his hair and his cheek in his hand as he talks to Steve. She watches Steve laugh at something the scientist says. Tony wishes she knew what it was, Bruce has a wicked sense of humour. She has missed him so much.

“No, I didn’t sleep.”

Clint hums. “Thought not.”

“It’s just.” She swallows. “Loki’s at SHIELD and I don’t really… know how to…”

What is she supposed to say? To Clint of all people! Why the fuck would he care? He has every right to hate Loki the most out of all of them. Yet, he doesn't seem repelled when Tony mentions the goddess, so…

“I promised that I would come back,” she says eventually. “Today. I promised that _today_ I would.”

She feels a hand on her arm before she consciously realizes Clint has placed it there. “Hey, just relax, Tones, alright? You need to breathe.”

“I _am!”_

“I know, I know, you were just,” he shrugs. “You were starting to hyperventilate there for a sec.”

She swallows and takes a deep breath and mutters an apology.

“So you need to see Loki. I get that,” he says.

Tony blinks in surprise.

“You guys were alone together for a long time.”

“How do you-?”

He shakes his head. “You don’t need to tell me shit, Tones. I got it, alright? Yeah, Fury’s convinced you got Stockholm Syndrome or some shit, but it all seems a lot more obvious to me than that. She saved your ass, you saved her ass, yada yada. I don’t care unless you want to tell me. In which case, I’m here to listen.”

There is a pause in which Tony simply stares at Clint disbelievingly for a solid minute while the archer drinks his coffee. She can hear Natasha and Thor talking about something, and the sound of bacon sizzling on the stove.

Finally, Clint says: “We’ll get you in to see Loki, don’t worry about it. We’re all here for you. We’re family.”

Tony blinks in shock. She clears her throat. “So it’s a lifestyle blog then?”

Clint heaves a sigh, leaning back in his chair. Soft chuckles rumbling in his chest before he groans.

“Just, double-u double-u double-u dot clint’s cleansing guide to a heal-”

“Oh shut up!” He croons, laughing loudly.

Tony laughs with him.

It feels good.

 

* * *

 

Loki paces.

               And paces.

                               And paces.

 

Until her leg gives out.

 

There is no obvious escape route, she knows. She has checked her prison's weak points. She will remain here so long as these people wish her to be. Her magic is far too weak to do much damage, best to bide her time favorably.

She hasn't met a soul since Tony left. Back to her tower; to her team. To safety.

Loki does not fault Tony for leaving. Nor does she resent her in any way. But she does not like it all the same. She isn't… _afraid_ of these people, but, admittedly, she would feel more safe with Tony closer by.

They haven't been separated in months and nowLoki is reeling from the abrupt separation.

They are- Loki _relies_ upon Tony. She doesn't know when precisely that particular development occurred but there it is. She feels… naked. Without Stark around. Unwhole. And she isn't sure if it is the magic or something different.

She hasn't slept all night. She can't, she finds. Too full of adrenaline and… apprehension. She can  _feel_ Tony, in a way. It is through the magic that Loki had used to binde them, so to speak. But Loki has always been able to feel Tony, just _there_ in the back of her mind. It was like a buoy in the roilling sea. Just there. Peaceful and unassuming. Small, but never completely forgotten. No, she is always aware of the presence. It isn't easily ignored, so to say. It is just… _there._

But now that Tony is gone, however, that is something different altogether. Where there is once peace there is now a void.

A gaping emptiness.

Loki sits on her cot, her right leg extended in front of her and she massages the knee. It isn't broken, that she is sure, but it is black and blue and swollen. It has ached since they brought her here, and it has only persistently grown worse. It has been roughly an Earth week that she has been here. Tony had left the day before yesterday. She said she will be back. She said she would be back yesterday.

“Ms. Laufeyson.”

Loki looks up.

“Or should I say Laufeydottir,” the agent continues.

Loki rises from her cot, lacking the trademark grace she typically carries. Sh leans all her weight on her good knee. “You've done your research. Neither would be excellent, actually.”

“Agent Surwell,” he introduces himself.

“Charmed.”

“I’m sure you can understand our surprise, having you fall from the sky for the third time.”

Loki narrows her eyes. “I’m sure that I can.”

The agent folds his arms across his chest stiffly. He isn't a large man necessarily, but he isn't thin. Muscled and broad-shouldered but nothing Loki would deem as a threat. “We have some tests we need to run. Medical would like to have a look at you. Then I’m told Stark would like to see you.”

Loki perks up at that, her green eyes flashing.

Surwell smirks. “That got your attention, huh? Your _toy._ There's a lot of speculation out in the air about you and Stark _._ ”

“I would watch your tongue, mortal. Or do you forget who you’re speaking to?” It isn't a question, and Loki most definitely isn't looking for an answer. She is, however, itching to tear this man’s head from his shoulders.

“You don’t scare me,” Surwell says.

Loki bares her teeth. Her fingers twitch with the desire to inflict. “Bravery truly is the kindest word for stupidity.”

Surwell presses a finger to his ear, listening. “Bring the ‘quipment in,” he demandes into the earpiece. “Looks like they’re ready for you,” he says to Loki. Loki really wishes that he wouldn’t look her way. Something about his gaze is _slimy_.

The doors suddenly _bang_ open and several agents clamor in wheeling what appears to be a hand truck dolly outfitted with leather restraints. Loki frowns. They can't possibly be expecting her to comply with this?

“Step away from the glass.” The agent that speaks is young, very young. In their twenties maybe. She is small, smaller than Stark. Her mousy brown hair is pinned up in a tight bun and Loki can _smell_ the fear on her.

Loki obliges, if only out of curiosity. She steps back a few feet as asked.

“Any sudden moves,” Surwell begins, “and I won’t hesitate.” He raises a cattle prod, waving it threateningly in Loki’s direction.

Loki feels her heart begin to beat faster in her chest.

With a few button presses and the read of his palm, the glass door of Loki’s cell opens with a _whirr._ Surwell steps forward, the mousey agent on his heels and another beside her pushing the hand truck. “Strap her in.”

The other agent, a man maybe in his thirties, approaches Loki first.

Loki steps. Everything in her tells her to run. 

“Don’t resist,” Surwell barks.

Her heart is racing, beating in her eardrums and deafening her. She feels light-headed, she can't breathe. He is too close, he is crowding her. He is  _too close._ His hand grips Loki by the arm and he is like  _fire_ against her skin.

“No.” She shakes her head frantically, dark hair flying. “Don't touch me!” She steps back and her knee buckles; she falls.

The mousy agent catchs her by the arm and Loki flinches violently. She jerks out of the agent’s reach. She lashes out, blindly, nails catching the woman across the cheek and she releases a satisfying shriek.

Loki screams as electricity races down her spine. Her vision whites out. Her body contorts in agony, sharp shoulder blades jutting beneath the milky white skin that hides a powder blue. The little magic she has so carefully used to keep up the familiar disguise that Odin placed upon her begins to evanesce, redirecting itself in a feeble attempt to stop the pain, to protect her.

She growls low in her throat, a beastly and terrifying sound. The female agent clutches her bleeding cheek and lurches back further.

Loki lashes out, all blue skin, sharp teeth, and ruby eyes.

Surwell jabs her again with the prod.

***

 

Steve insists that a movie will be a relaxing enough activity. Tony disagrees, however, her opinion is quickly appointed not valuable apparently because there they are.

Sprawled on the sofa with her head in Steve’s lap, she is actually quite enjoying herself. Not because of the movie -- she isn't even sure what they are watching, something with Ryan Gosling (Clint picked it) -- but because she is half asleep and she is still  _so tired._

There is popcorn strewn all across the room. Once again, Tony doesn't know. All the same there is a comforting silence amongst the team. It is nice, being home. But there is still this… _ache,_ in her chest, in her head-

Tony groans, the pain in her head sharpens as if her brain is being stabbed with knives. She pushes herself off Steve, he is a great pillow- her favourite in fact, but he isn’t helping.

Steve sits up on the sofa with a familiar crease in his forehead, the one he gets when he is  _worried_ worried. “Tony? Are you alright?”

She nods, massaging her temple uselessly. “Headache,” she mumbles. It's really more like a motherfucker of a migraine.

“Do you want something for it?”

“I-” Her voice hiccups and breaks and she gasps. “Steve!” She tries to swallow but thinks she might be sick.  

She hears Steve curse, and usually, that would be a celebrated occasion, but she is having a hard time _focusing_.

Tony curls in on herself, head in her hands. It hurts, _oh god_ does it hurt. “Fuck!” Her fists knit itself into Steve’s pant leg and she isn't letting go for the life of her.

“Tony, Tony, I need you to breathe.”

“Bruce?” That is Bruce, has to be Bruce, has to- “Ah! Christ!  _Whathefuck?”_

“Tony?”

“I- I think I’m gonn’ be sick.”

Bruce runs a soothing hand up and down her arm. “Okay, it’s okay, here’s a bin.”

Tony, still refusing to release Steve’s pants, uses her other hand to grip the trash can before being sick. She coughs, hunching over the bin. It hurts, it hurts, _it hurts._

“Loki,” she gasps. “It’s Loki.”

“What?”

“How do you know?” Natasha asks patiently but dutifully.

“I just know!” Tony shouts. “I- she’s in pain. I need to-” she tried to stand but only falls right back on her ass.

Natasha is suddenly on her, running a cool hand through Tony’s hair. “Shhh, myshka. You’re sure it’s Loki?” She asks, all cool and calm as per Natasha.

Tony tries nodding but it only makes the pain rack up another notch. “Mmmhn. She needs me, I have to-”

“Okay. We’ll go. Can you stand?”

“D’nt know.”

"Here," Natasha says. “Take my hand, Clint grab the jet.”

Tony lets herself be moved from the sofa, gripping Natasha’s hand tight enough it has to hurt. The assassin, however, remains silent, guiding Tony to her wheelchair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what ur thinking! This is kinda just being thrown together as I go, so any suggestions are welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Woo! And it's a flashback. Finally, a look into what the hell is up with Tony and Loki.

Tony can't see. Everything is… white.

Pure. Blinding. _White._

Her head is buzzing.

            “Stark!”

                        “Stark!”

_“Stark!”_

Tony’s entire body jolts, her lungs greedily sucking in deep gulps of oxygen. Her chest aches like a stampede of Doombots have just run her down. She rolls on her side and gags as the air burns it's way to her lungs. She blinks and blinks and blinks until the goddamn _white_ clears enough for her to actually see. She clutches at the reactor, trying to get her bearings. She coughs and sputters as she rightens herself with trembling arms, a hand on her back gently coaxing her upright.

“Stark.”

Tony frowns and searches for the voice. She coughs and asks in a choked, raw voice: “Loki?” Her ears are still ringing.

The god(dess?) looks unimpressed.

“What the fuck? Where are we? What happened?” Tony asks. Her chest aches like a motherfucker as does most of her, now that she's thinking about it. The suit  is still on, beat to all hell and groaning with every movement. Her helmet is gone though, as well as half the left side missing from the abdomen and chest plates. Undersuit burnt. Her olive skin exposed.

Loki tenses. “I healed you best I could. You will be sore for some time, however.”

Tony frowns. “Healed me?”

Loki rolls her eyes. “You do not remember. Your side was scorched. You hardly had any skin left to speak of. I did my best to repair the damage but in my state, you may very well scar.”

Tony examines the exposed flesh closer. It is pink and it stings sharply. _Scorched?!_

She swallows. “Uh… thanks.”

Loki dips her head in acknowledgment.

A sharp chill runs down Tony’s spine and she wraps her arms tightly around herself. “So where are we? And how did we get here?”

“Why do you assume I have all the answers?” Loki asks sharply.

“Maybe because you’re like six thousand years old!” Tony replies. “You’ve gotta know something.”

  
The goddess stands, long legs unfolding beneath her. She is stunning, Tony silently remarks. Even banged up like she is, she looks… beautiful. And dangerous. She looks about as rough as Tony imagines she does. Her long coat is a little scorched itself, armor scuffed.

“We are on Jotunheim.” Loki visibly swallows.

Well that doesn't bode well.

“What?” Tony shakes her head. "You're telling me we just space traveled? Just like that?  _How?”_ she asks. “Last thing I remember was fighting Doom _, a_ nd he definitely doesn’t have the tech to send us across your damn realm tree! Trust me.” She mutters, “I don’t even think that guy’s a real doctor.”

Loki is quiet.

Tony rolls her eyes. Silent treatment, whatever. She doesn't care. She takes the time to inspect their surroundings, though there isn't a whole lot to see. They are in a cave, at least it looks like a cave, and it's cold as all hell. Like bone-rattling _cold._ “Shit.”

Tony wants the suit off but she fears that if she bothers she will just freeze to death. Could Loki freeze? She’s seen Thor get cold.

“Ah…” Tony blinks. “Loki?”

The goddess turns toward Stark, glaring in annoyance.

Tony wets her lips. “Nevermind.”

Loki flexes blue-tipped fingers.

Alright, so maybe Loki can freeze to death.

“We are not safe here," she announces.

Tony resists the urge to give a, 'yeah duh,' but bites her tongue. “So what do we do?” she asks instead.

“Can you move?” Loki asks. “In that suit. Is it functioning?”

Tony looks down at the suit. It is completely dark and she is only glad she had switched to a lighter weight model otherwise she wouldn’t be able to move. Luckily she had dawned the Mark XXIX today, thin and maneuverable.

She shakes her head. “I can move, but it’s otherwise useless. Just basic body armor at this point.” And thankfully insulated. It is seriously fucking freezing.

Loki nods. “We will go south,” she starts. “North from here is a Jotunn city, we will avoid it at all costs.”

“Jotun?” Thor has mentioned them, once, perhaps, but Tony has never really bothered to look into it.

“Frost Giants.”

“Ah. Okay. Of course.” Tony shakes her head and sweeps her hair from her face. “So what’s south?”

“Ice.”

“So why the _fuck_ would we go south?”

“Because there are no Frost Giants south.”

“We’ll freeze to death.”

“You may.”

“Great! Let’s go then.”

“I don’t appreciate sarcasm, Stark.”

“And I don’t appreciate idiotic ideas!” Tony shoots back. “So, _Miss Magic Ass,_ why don’t you get back to me with something other than a suicide mission.”

Loki rolls her eyes theatrically. “We can either head towards danger or away from it, Stark. It’s a simple decision.”

“I really don’t see what part of freeze. to. death _._ you are not understanding,” she reiterates.

Loki growls. “And I don’t understand why it is so difficult for you to trust me.”

“Oh, maybe it’s my severe trust issues due to years of psychological trauma. Or _maybe,_ it’s to do with the fact you try to kill me and my team on a tri-monthly basis!” Her voice steadily rises as she speaks until she is properly shouting.

“Both, I’d say,” Loki mutters, arms folded over her chest.

“It’s definitely both!” Tony's jaw muscles jump from grinding her teeth with enough force to actually cause pain. But it's good, it's grounding. She snorts. “Can’t you just, you know, magic us back?”

“Magic us back?” Loki echoes, sounding appalled by Tony’s lack of knowledge of sorcery. _Which_ Tony doesn't think is very fair by the way.

“I don’t know!”

“No, Stark, I cannot simply _magic us back,_ as you so eloquently put it.”

Tony shakes her head. “Unbelievable.” She runs her hands through her hair and presses her palms into her eyes hard enough to see spots. This is completely insane. Loki is completely insane. She swallows. Trusting Loki is her _only_ option. _‘Lets face it Stark, he-_ she, _fuck- is your only chance of getting home.’_ The suit is dead, and even if it weren’t she doubts the distress signal works across the fucking universe. Or tree, or whatever the shit Thor said.

Tony _hates_ magic.

“Okay.” She looks up at Loki, lips thin. “We go south.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team saves Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's kinda short, but it's been a while since I've updated so I thought I'd go ahead and make this a chapter.

Steve kept his mouth shut as he pushed Tony down the halls of SHIELD. There was a lot he wanted to say, mostly questions burning around his head. That and concerns that he had already voiced one too many times if you asked Tony. So he kept quiet, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Tony was quiet as well, seething with poorly contained rage. Her head still hurt too, Steve could tell. She was resting her head in her hand and shielding her eyes from the florescent lights.

They were approaching Fury’s office. Because apparently they had lost access to Loki’s holding cell. Restricted access or some bullshit. 

It was just Tony, Steve, Thor, and Natasha that took the quinjet out. Natasha flew, while also refusing to let Tony out of her sight, and Thor was in protective big brother mode. 

Natasha led the way as they marched, looking just as intimidating as ever. Even out of the catsuit and far from the battlefield, Tasha could be scary.

They didn’t knock when they came upon the door to Fury’s office. Natasha flashed the agent posted outside a look and he scattered without a word. 

“Fury,” Steve stepped forward, Natasha moving to his side.

“Captain Rogers,” the Director greeted. It was clear he wasn’t overly thrilled with being interrupted. “What brings you and a third of your team to my office unannounced?”

“Why has our access to Loki’s cell been revoked, Director?” Steve demanded. 

Fury pursed his lips. “Because I revoked it,” he replied simply. 

“On what grounds, Sir?” Steve asked, his brows drawing together in his confusion.

“On the grounds that Loki is the most wanted war criminal on this side of the galaxy. And that there has been… conflicting interests.”

“Tony has every right-”

“Where is she?”

Steve broke off, startled by the iron in Tony’s voice. 

Fury sighed sharply. “Stark.”

“No,” she growled. “Where is Loki? What did you do to her?”

“We didn’t _ do-” _

“I felt it!” Tony shouted. Her resolve going from iron in something resembling desperation. Her fingers twitched, “I  _ felt  _ it. In my head. I could feel what you were doing to her.”

“Now, Stark-”

“No!” She shook her head. Her hands beginning to tremble as she lifted herself from the chair. “No. Don’t treat me like a child or- or like I’m fragile. I’m getting real sick of everyone walking on eggshells and lying to me. What did you do?”

“Loki is a war criminal, if there’s any information we could get out of her-”

Tony’s stomach dropped.

“My sister is not your enemy!” Thor chimmed. 

“Your  _ sister,”  _ Fury all but spit the word, “invaded this planet. Killed hundreds of innocent people. Or have you all forgotten?”

“She didn’t have a choice!” Tony screamed in rage.

Fury scoffed in his disbelief. “Didn’t have a choice? People died! Children died because of Loki’s actions.  _ You  _ nearly died! I don’t give a fuck who’s  _ choice  _ that was.”

Tony pulled at her hair in frustration. “Urgh! I can’t do this right now! My head is literally about to explode -- or fall off. Just- where the fuck is she, Nick?”

Fury sighed, steam almost visibly coming out of his ears. “Fine. They moved her. 32B.”

Tony pailed. That was below ground. That was interrogation. She swallowed dryly. 

“You better hope to god that she’s alright,” Tony spoke softly. And that was possibly more terrifying than hearing her shout. With that she stalked away, hands clenched in knuckle white fists. Her head was buzzing, ringing. She was lightheaded and dizzy but she had a mission damn it! And now she had a destination. God help the next man who was stupid enough to try and get in her way. 

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. 

 

***

 

She didn’t know how long she had been down here for. It could have been days. It could have been a lifetime. 

Her head was slow. 

Too…. 

              Slow.

 

She didn’t hurt anymore. Her body was numb to the pain. It was numb to all touch.

She felt cold. A deep cold that felt as though it were impossible to return from. It seeped into her bones and chilled her to the core. 

She blinked slowly. Her body moving sluggishly as she twisted her wrist in the leather restraint. She had awoken to find herself strapped down to a table, someplace… else. She didn’t know where they had brought her, she could only assume to still be in SHIELD. But she had no way to tell. 

They wanted information at first. Sitwell did. It began with questions about the Nine Realms, something Loki was sure Thor would have happily shared with SHIELD had they asked. Loki refused answers solely out of spite. 

Then they moved on to the Chitauri. Ah, Loki should have seen that one coming. Of course they believed Loki would have the knowledge they seeked, and she did, to a degree. But she knew better than to speak. 

They could harm her, and she could speak or not. Either way her usefulness would expire eventually and then so would she. 

Loki flexed a blue hand, her claw like nails digging into thick, icy flesh.

 

***

 

As soon as the elevator doors chimed, parting open to allow them passage, Tony took off at a dead sprint. Thor lead the way, and no SHIELD agent with a brain dared to stop an angry Asgardian.

Her side ached from the exertion but she pushed the pain down. 

32B. She was in 32B.

_ Where? Where? Where? _

Tony counted down as they moved. Door 27. Door 28. Door 29.

_ There! _

_  
_ “Loki!” Tony shouted, running into the door. It was locked. “Shit. Loki!” She pounded her fist against the metal.

“Tony,” Thor placed a hand on her shoulder and gently moved her aside. Tony obeyed, sliding up beside Steve who placed his arm on Tony’s.

Thor lifted his hammer and swung, the door caving in on itself with a deafening  _ crack! _

Tony followed him into the room, stumbling into him as he stopped abruptly. Her eyes widened.  _ “Loki.”  _ She ran, blindly, to the goddess’s side. 

Loki had fallen into her Jotun form, pale blue and sharp edges. She looked like glass. 

Tony gently ran her thumb along the ridges on Loki’s cheek. Surprised when two emerald eyes blinked themselves open. “Loki.”

“Stark.”

Tony laughed softly; hysterically. “Hey. We came to get you.”

“How,” she tried sitting up only to be halted by the restraints. She coughed. “How did you know?”

Tony smiled weakly. “I could feel it. It was like before, I could sense it in my head.”

Loki returned her smile. “I had hoped you would come.”

“Of course, of course I came.” Tony looked over her shoulder at Thor, who was watching the interaction with a weary look. Blue eyes wide. His concern and fury evident in the tenseness of his shoulders and clenched fists. Steve was keeping his distance as well. 

“Steve can you get these off?” Natasha suddenly asked, startling the soldier. She was fiddling with the restraints on Loki’s forehead that had none to carefully been strapped around Loki’s horns. Pinning her to the table. 

Steve nodded and knelt down beside Loki’s head. Tony watched him gently warp the metal. Super strength coming in for the save. Tony began extracting Loki’s hand and Natasha worked on the other before moving to work on her feet. 

“I am sorry for causing you pain,” Loki said softly.

Tony shushed her. “There’s no need to apologize. Thor, can you carry her?”

The god looked apprehensive, not wanting to cause his baby sister more pain. “Of course.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Why Tony is spelled with a ‘y’ and not an ‘i’ like most stories ft. a fem!Tony: I don’t like it with an ‘i’.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so weird, I haven't touched this in months! So sorry about that, btw. I fell out of love with Marvel, but I'm still kinda here for this gay story I started. So I hope this appeases y'all somewhat.

Tony was sick when they got back home. The exhaustion finally catching with to her. She had only been earth side for a few weeks, most of which was spent in a SHIELD hospital unconscious. And in the few days she had been back home she'd slept little and eaten even less.

  
So it was no surprise she had been bent doubled over her ensuite toilet the moment she allowed herself a moment of relief.

  
They had Loki, Loki was okay. Banged up pretty bad, still completely out of it, but she was okay. They had her hooked up to a drip and she was drugged well enough to not feel most of anything. Bruce promised all her injuries would heal and that she would make a full recovery. Still, Tony knew she should be healing faster.

  
Thor was obviously relieved. He'd been just as worried as Tony since all of this began.

  
The only real question now was why Loki's magic wasn't doing its damn job and healing her itself. That and Tony was pretty sure she was going to have to explain why Loki was blue. Though maybe Thor actually knew that one, Tony didn’t know.

  
She startled at a sudden knock on the bathroom door. "Tony? You alright?"

  
Reaching with a trembling hand she flushed the toilet. She sat back on her heals and swallowed, sweeping her hair out of her face. Her throat burned and her eyes stung but yeah, she'd be okay. She opened the door to see Steve, dressed down in his sweats and looking bright eyed and concerned. Typical Rogers then. "Are you okay?" He reiterated.

  
"Fine," she answered shortly.

  
He didn't look convinced. "Loki's coming around. Bruce wanted to know if you'd like to speak to her before he put her under again. She’s been lucid."

  
Tony's chest ached. "Yeah, yeah, I would. Maybe I can calm her down. Get her looking less blue."

  
"About that-"

  
"Later." Tony waved a hand. She quickly dressed in an old hoodie, feeling overwhelmingly chilled in her typically warm home. She felt frail and she hated it. She was sick of feeling so ill.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Steve asked again.

Tony rolled her eyes, “I’m _fine_ Steve. We have larger priorities right now.” She heard Steve sigh, clearly not satisfied with the answer but he’d have to deal with it. Her focus -- all of their focus -- should be on Loki right now.

“You should eat,” Steve chimed as the elevator door shut on them.

“Not hungry.”

Steve shifted on his feet, fingers flexing. “Tony, you can’t ignore your own health.”

“I don’t care about my own fucking health, Rogers!” Tony clenched her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest protectively. _Fuck._ She hadn’t meant to snap but she was feeling on fucking edge so much lately. She was feeling stretched out; scattered. “Fuck, Steve, I-”

“Tony, I know you’re not alright.”

Tony felt her stomach roll. “Steve-”

“No,” he went on, undeterred. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to not be alright. Frankly, I’m impressed you’ve kept it up this long. It’s impressive Tony, a little inspiring actually. But, we still see through it.”

Tony wanted to tell him to shut up but her mouth suddenly wasn’t responding to her brain.

“You still haven’t told us what happened to you and Loki, and you don’t need to tell us. But you should talk to somebody.”

She swallowed. She didn’t want to tell _somebody._ She didn’t _want_ to talk about it at all. But Steve was right, she should talk. But if she was going to talk to somebody she would rather it be them. She trusted them. She didn’t trust some random ass psychiatrist. And Fury and SHIELD had no pull to force her into a debrief, considering they weren’t even an actual organization any longer. They had no legal holds over Tony at all. As freeing as that was, it was similarly terrifying.

The elevator door _dinged_ and Tony watched Steve’s back as he left.

She groaned and rolled her eyes. Fuck everything.

 

***

 

Loki was lucid, but not particularly communicative. Her eyes brightened significantly once Tony entered the room and Bruce took a step back, giving them the illusion of privacy. He moved to his desk in their faux little hospital room, Steve taking up a seat by him.

“Tony,” Loki breathed.

“Hey.” Tony smiled weakly, sitting in the chair Bruce had left beside the bed for her. “I wanna ask how you are, but it feels like an idiotic question.”

Loki smiled, blue lips cracked. “I’m feeling a bit better. My knee remains the most troublesome of my injuries. The SHIELD agents were dull,” she drawled. “They knew how to inflict pain, but they were significantly less creative than our last captors.”

“You’ve had worse is what you’re saying,” Tony corrected.

Loki’s eyes filled with mirth. “Yes, I’ve had worse.”

Tony laughed and Loki looked significantly pleased with herself for being the one to have caused it. She picked up Loki’s hand, placing a gentle kiss to the palm of her hand. “You’ve had me so worried,” she admitted in a soft voice.

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Loki observed. She extracted her hand from Tony’s lax grip, running her fingers across Tony’s cheek. Touching the dark bruises that had resided under her eyes for weeks now.

Tony shook her head. “Can’t. Kinda gave up trying. Clint’s revoked my caffeine privileges so it’s a bit of a challenge. And Jarvis refuses to locate my drug dealer from college. I’m thinking of firing him,” she mused.

Loki chuffed. “I have faired much the same.”

Tony sighed, folding her arms on the mattress and resting her head atop them. “I’m sorry for not coming back to visit,” she admitted softly. “I’ve been on house arrest.”

“I am not upset with you.”

“I know. But I promised,” Tony said. “So, I’m sorry it took you being in so much fucking pain for me to finally come for you.”

Loki ran her fingers through Tony’s hair. “Like I said, I have had worse.”

They stayed that way for some time, Tony with her head nearly in Loki’s lap and Loki contentedly carding her fingers through Tony’s hair. It was the calmest Tony had felt in a _long time._ She was relaxed, so much so she thought she may even be able to fall asleep there. Her first non drug induced rest in weeks. Truthfully, she had nabbed sleeping pills off of Bruce -- they were the only thing getting her any rest.

The calm was disturbed however when Bruce came back over. Speaking up, he said, “I’m sorry, but I need to ask.”

Tony sat up, her back popping uncomfortably.

“Yes?” Loki asked, expectantly. Her eyes weary with an ounce of distrust for the doctor.

“You’re not healing at the accelerated rate that we know you typically do,” Bruce began. “And Thor confirmed you should heal at a pace similar to his own, give or take to compensate for your independent metabolism and biology. Do you know why that may be?”

Loki sighed, looking weathered. “My magic is weakened,” she parted. “Which is why I am suspended in this form, for the time being,” she said, holding her sharp blue hand up. “My magic, what remains of it, is being directed into my healing process, drawing away from the reserves that keep my Asgardian image up.” She swallowed, unsure how to go on. “I- Tony and myself were- I have sigils, on my back, they are blocking me from tapping into the entirety of my magic,” she managed. “They are not completed which is why they are not entirely effective. The amount of magic required to truly expedite my healing process to even that of an average Asgardian or Jötunn is prodigious compared to that which remains with me. For all intents and purposes, for the time being, I am human.” The omission seemed to be painful, for the usually proud god.

Bruce, for his part, seemed to take it all in stride. Like a champ, Tony mentally cheered. “Jötunn?” Came his first question.

Loki bowed her head in a slight and reluctant nod. “My true species. I am the _adopted_ child of Odin,” she parted.

Bruce nodded, scribbling something down on the medical chart he’d created for Loki. “The sigils,” he said, “can I have a look?”

Loki swallowed, lips forming a thin, pale line. Tony reached out and placed her hand in Loki’s. The alien paused, before slowly nodding. “If you must.”

Carefully and gingerly, she sat up. Tony helped her to pull the t-shirt of Tony’s they changed her into up for Bruce.

The scientist’s gave nothing away, but he was a little disturbed. The sigils were _carved_ into Loki’s flesh, running vertical along Loki’s spine. The vertebrae creating a trail of sharp hills down her back, the ancient symbols trailing from the nape of her neck to the point of her tenth or eleventh rib. That was assuming her anatomy remained the same more or less to that of a human's. He could ask more questions later. Maybe do some x-rays, CAT scans, blood work-

“Bruce?” Steve’s questioning voice pulled him from his thought.

He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say: magic’s keeping these from healing, isn’t it?”

Loki dipped her chin, “you would be correct in your assumption.”

“Right.” He ran a hand down his jaw. “I can try and treat them with human methods, but I don’t think my solvents and creams are going to do much to combat _magic.”_

“Hate magic,” Tony mumbled, her face buried in the covers by Loki’s thigh. She had already seen all there was for Bruce to see and wasn’t overly keen to revisit it.

Bruce echoed her sentiment. “The fact you’re actually _not_ Asgardian doesn’t help much. We’ve taken a lot of health information down from Thor, so we’ve got the basics of Asgardian biology and physiology. But with you we’re starting from scratch here.” Bruce sighed. “Have to start another new species database,” he muttered to himself.

Tony sniffed. “So what’s your opinion doc?” Tony asked. “Is she going to make it?”

Bruce smiled. “You’ll be okay,” Bruce told Loki. “Your injuries are flesh wounds for the most part. Your knee is the only thing I’m worried about,” he admitted. “There’s a torn ligament, grade III. I can give you some anti-inflammatory meds, but not much else. Besides that there’s some soft tissue damage, which is where all the pain’s coming from, and is what I’m more concerned with. It’ll take a number of months to truly heal, and walking isn’t going to be so much fun.

“I’ll give you a knee brace, the anti-inflammatories, and a pain medication,” he decided. “Other than that, there’s not a lot to be done. There’s a few cuts and contusions, I stitched the one on your hip. The bone there is bruised too, so it’ll be sore. The burn’s on you back, from what look like a _cattle prod_ ,” he admitted with both skepticism and concern, “are first degree. I put burn cream on those, I wasn’t sure if you could scar, but.”

Tony’s head popped up. “Burns?” she asked. “From Fury’s men?”

Loki nodded.

“Those fucking-! I’m going to kill them,” she decided. “Then I’m going to throw Fury off the Empire State building!”

“Tony,” Steve chastised.

She rolled her eyes and put her head back down.

“But yeah, you should be okay. A human would, and you said yourself that’s essentially what you are now. A blue, icy, earthling.” He blinked. “Mmmh. I’m having a strange day.”

“You love it,” Tony retorted on autopilot.

“You can leave the medbay,” Bruce said, “if you want. You’re not bedridden per say, but you need to rest and need to stay off that knee as much as physically possible. But I can understand if you’d rather be relocated to Tony’s floor.”

Tony could kiss him.

“Just, take the IV drip,” he chimed. “You’re dehydrated and a little malnourished and solid foods might upset your stomach right now. I know Tony’s having a hard time with solids still.”

“Ste-eve!” She whined. “You told him!” Stupid jerk ratted her out. She had only been sick a few times.

The Captain spread his arms out innocently, eyes wide.

“No, you just did,” Bruce said softly, turning back to his desk with a smirk playing at his lips.

Tony glared at the back of his head, muttering to herself. “Fucking assholes.”

Loki huffed a laugh, hand moving back to card through Tony’s hair. “Thank you, Doctor Banner,” Loki proclaimed hardly more than a whisper.

Bruce needed a new job, he decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all really like this mess still I'll try updating soon! Just review, let me know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still SHOCKED anyone likes this. And I understand the plot's a bit confusing but understand that I never planed on this ever being a thing. Like u guys honestly blow me away every comment I get. I hope to clarify what the fuck is going on in the next few chapters, so I hope u like it and it makes sense.

Tony slept that night.

Loki was brought to her floor, into Tony’s bed, and Tony instructed Jarvis to amp up the heat a bit. Loki was built for a colder climate but that didn’t mean she found it particularly pleasant. Not when she was sick and weakened and shivering. Tony fixed the IV drip up beside the bed as well, making sure the goddess was comfortable before lying down beside her. Feeling rather sick and weakened herself. 

She curled up beside Loki, arms slipping around her slight frame a bit hesitantly before growing bolder and engulfing her in a tight embrace - pulling her close. Her heartbeat pounding against Tony’s own chest. She hadn’t been able to touch Loki in so long it was almost too good to be true. The goddess’s shivers grew less frequent until she was only left with a slight tremble. Entangling her limbs with Tony’s until they made an indecipherable mess together. 

That night Tony slept better than she had slept in  _ months.  _

They were safe, they were on Earth, in New York, in Avenger’s Tower. In Tony’s bed. Together. Tony could finally let her guard down, even if just for a night. She hadn’t a thing to worry about. Jarvis was watching over them. Hell, they were in the same building as Captain America and the Hulk, not to mention some of the world’s most advanced tech and weaponry. Who was gonna touch them?

No, Tony could finally just  _ sleep.  _ It was no small relief to finally be able to rest. She didn’t even touch the sleeping pills she’s kept in the bedside drawer. 

Even Loki had slept soundly. Drugged and sated. Her body heavy with exhaustion. Limbs like lead weights.

Waking was a peaceful affair. Tony blinking awake to the sunlight filtering in through the windows and dancing across pale flesh. She kissed Loki on the corner of the mouth, the other woman still in a lazy state between sleep and awakeness. But she was conscious enough to return the gesture. Humming pleasantly. 

“Goodmorning,” Loki muttered. 

Tony smiled. “I think morning may be a bit incorrect,” Tony mused. “J, what time is it?” she asked

“Ten forty-six, ma’am.”

Tony groaned. Although she was honestly impressed no one had come knocking yet. Wasn’t Captain America like entirely against sleeping in? “Are you hungry?” She asked.

“Starved, I’m afraid.”

Tony snorted. “Unfortunately, I think you mean quite literally.”

Loki smiled. It was a sick joke, but when was either of their comedic senses tasteful? “I’m afraid that I do. Am I allowed to eat solids?”

“Since when do you follow instructions?”

“Since I was instructed by a man that transforms into a giant beast.”

“That’s fair," Tony laughed.

Loki looked at Tony with emerald eyes. Her skin had turned pale and pink while they slept. The Frost Giant exterior more or less melting away, if one could excuse the metaphor. Tony was glad to see her looking back to normal. She liked the icy look, she was fascinated by it endlessly on a scientific level, but Loki was more comfortable in her Asgardian skin. So if for that reason alone, Tony could find solace in the ivory pale flesh. 

“It does not seem possible,” Loki said softly, her voice dry, “that we should be here.”

“The two of us intact,” Tony said, understanding the track her mind was going down. She looked at Loki, her eyed brimming with restrained emotion. “It was weird, I could feel you in my mind again.”

Loki swept Tony’s hair out of her face. “I told you, it is my magic,” she said. “We are bonded.”

“I know, I know that. But you were so weak, and yet you reached me.”

“I hadn’t expected it to. In my dampened state,” she said, thinking back to the runes she could feel carved in her flesh. “I suppose that’s the Frost Giant magic,” she said. “Admittedly, I don’t know much about the ways of  jötunn magic. Only that they bond-”

“Like Star Trek.”

“Yes. like your Star Trek,” Loki said. She had no idea what Tony was talking about, but if it made sense to her… “But perhaps the mind meld, as you called it before, is something other than magic. Therefore, drawing from somewhere else entirely.”

Tony hummed. “Makes sense. It’s biological in Star Trek. Telepathic.”

“I feel as though I would be aware by now if I were telepathic,” Loki drawled. 

Tony snorted. “Yeah, maybe. And maybe not. We’ll figure it out. I can see what I can figure out in the lab, though I don’t have much in the way of magic diagnostic tools. Not really my area. But I’ll hack SHIELD, see what they have in their database. Who knows.”

Loki looked on in amusement as Tony rolled out of bed, dressing in one of Bruce’s stollen t-shirts and a pair of pajama shorts. “Up and at ‘em sweetheart. I’m sure they’ve got something going for breakfast downstairs and I for one am starving. And we’ve covered that you could use something in your stomach.” Tony smiled at the goddess as she remained entangled under the sheets. “C’mon.”

“I’m mentally reviewing the pros and cons of attempting to move,” she said.

Tony’s expression softened and she approached the bed, offering her hand. “I’ll help.”

It was two words, only two syllables. Yet they meant the world to Loki. Cautiously, she sat up, waiting for pain to hit. It wasn’t until Tony was helping her stand that the pain arose. It flailed across her back and through her injured knee. It was Tony alone that kept her from an appointment with the hardwood. Tony took the brunt of Loki’s weight, the goddess leaning heavily into her.

“Jarvis do we have any wheelchairs lying around still?” she asked. 

“The one you had acquired from SHIELD is stored in the closet beside the elevator, ma’am,” he relayed.

“Great!”

“No!” Loki stopped her. “No wheelchair,” she insisted. She pulled herself to her feet, determined to stand on her own. “I can do this,” she breathed. And Tony wasn’t about to make her stop. Truly, she understood her perseverance. Been there, done that. Multiple times really. 

Tony sighed and said, “okay.” She reached out to steady her all the same, disinclined to let her fall. “Still gonna help.”

Loki bowed her head, long unruly hair draping over her face and pooling over her shoulders. It could probably due with a cut but Loki didn’t seem overly concerned with it. “I won’t object to that,” she conceded, smiling wanly. 

“Sit back down first,” Tony said. “You need to put the knee brace on. You’re not doing yourself any favours without it.” Tony fetched the brace and the meds Bruce had given them and passed both pain and anti-inflammatories to Loki, along with the water bottle off the nightstand. Taking her own pain meds dry. “Here, give me your leg,” Tony said and Loki complied. She stretched her leg out in front of her, wincing as the movement pulled on the torn ligaments. The joint was already wrapped, but the brace would no doubt make it feel a little better. Restrict movement. It felt almost uncomfortably snug once it was on, but Loki couldn’t be bothered to mind. 

“We can redress your wounds after you eat, if you’d rather wait.”

Loki nodded. “Yes. I can make it through breakfast. They don’t bother me. I hardly feel most of them,” she said.

“Okay,” Tony said. She ran a hand through Loki’s hair, sweeping it out of her eyes. “Let’s get you dressed then,” Tony decided. Digging out a pair of sweatpants and an old band shirt for Loki. Once dressed she helped her to stand. Loki griped Tony but the upper arm and Tony supported her around the middle and throwing one of Loki’s arms over her shoulder. “This okay? You good?”

Loki nodded mutely. 

She helped Loki to hobble to the elevator and once inside Loki pulled away, wanting to attempt to stand on her own. Tony watched as Loki took a deep breath, straightening her leg out to stand properly on two feet. 

Loki’s hands clenched and unclenched, her pale fingers twitching. Her face betrayed little, features schooled into an expressionless mask. She let out a heavy breath as her leg fully straightened out, foot flat on the floor. 

“Good?” Tony asked. 

Loki nodded. “Tolerable.”

The elevator came to a stop and dinged, the doors dragging open. Tony sighed, “right.” She tried taking Loki’s arm back over her shoulder but the goddess shook her off. “There’s no point in being stubborn,” Tony muttered, earning her a withered look from the other woman. 

“Did  _ you  _ really just say that?” 

Tony blinked. “Okay so maybe I’m a hypocrite. Is this new information?”

Loki snorted and rolled her eyes. Taking a breath, Loki marched from the elevator unaided. 

Tony fowned after her. “Can you believe her, J?”

“I am ever surprised, Madam,” the AI replied dryly. 

“Don’t sass me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Tony’s frown deepened. “I will disconnect you,” she threatened under her breath before chasing after Loki.

In the communal kitchen the Team was scattered about. Steve was making breakfast and the others were lingering in the kitchen and living room. The television on, playing some sitcom Tony vaguely recognized. Tony saw that Loki had taken a seat at the kitchen table across from Bruce, who had seemingly brought her a glass of orange juice. It brought a smile to Tony’s face. Loki was frightful around Bruce not so long ago. The Other Guy had seriously freaked her out. 

It was Thor who was the most reactive to their entrance. The god had moved to take up a seat beside Loki at the table, a grin on his face as he looked at his sister with adoration. 

Tony laughed silently to herself before turning to Steve. “You’re just making  breakfast? You’re up late,” she commented to Steve. 

“You’re up early,” Steve quipped back in return.

Tony hummed. 

“I had Jarvis let me know when you woke. The other’s have already eaten,” he elaborated. “It’s been a lazy morning. I think Clint’s asleep on the couch.”

Tony chuckled. “Legolas is growing lazy on us.”

Steve smiled. “He gets more sleep than the rest of us combined.”

“Got that new partner of his and he taped out,” Tony joked, propping her hip against the kitchen counter, watching as Steve flipped pancakes expertly. She wondered when he became a good cook.

Steve honest to god giggled and Tony’s smile grew. “Do we need to replace him? Swap out the old for the new?” he asked, eyes gleaming with mirth. “I mean, Bishop would be the smart choice. She’s younger-”

“Far more energetic. I mean Barton turns forty this year!"

“In touch with modern technology-”

“Nineties kid," she said with an eye roll. 

“It only makes sense,” Steve plicated. "I mean we need to be practical about these things."

Tony laughed.  _ Fuck  _ she missed Steve. This Brooklyn boy was her platonic soulmate, confirmed.

It was at that moment that Natasha passed by, swatting Tony on the top of her head, causing her to yelp in surprise. “We’re not replacing Clint,” she said, refilling her water glass.

“Ow!” Tony cried out petulantly. She shot Steve a look as he giggled harder, his laugh really didn’t match his body. “Shut the fuck up,  _ Captain!” _

“It’s your own fault,” he replied. “Now go sit down, pancakes are done.”

Tony grumbled as she made her way to the table, throwing herself down beside Loki, shooting her a look that communicated everything she needed to. Loki nodded. Good. 

Steve dished out a stack of pancakes to two plates, one for each of them and Tony muttered a thanks through a mouthful of pancake. “You want syrup or anything?” Tony asked Loki.

The goddess frowned, a question on her face. She hadn’t touched her plate yet. “I don’t know.” She looked to Thor and he nodded. 

"You want syrup," he said.

Tony smiled, holding in her laughter. She looked up at Thor who’s eyes were still fixed on Loki. “Okay, ah, usually people put syrup on their pancakes. You don’t have to. Bruce hates syrup.”

“Too much sugar,” the Doctor muttered, nose in his tablet.

Tony rolled her eyes. “Thor loves it though, don't you big guy? He puts it on everything, it's disgusting."

Thor frowned. 

"There’s maple syrup and raspberry syrup,” Tony explained, “You wanna try ‘em first?” she asked.

Loki nodded.

“Okay, try your pancakes first,” she said, jumping to her feet. She grabbed two dipping bowls from the cupboard. “You like them?” Tony asked after Loki had taken a bite.

Loki nodded. 

Tony poured syrup into the two bowls and pushed them towards Loki. “Dip it,” she said, following her own instructions and drowning her food in raspberry syrup. Decidedly ignoring Bruce’s look of disgust. 

Loki did as Tony said, seeming to enjoy it. 

“Good right?”

Loki nodded, taking another bite. 

“Don’t eat  _ too _ much,” Bruce advised. “You’re still malnourished, both of you. You’ll make yourselves sick.” He paused. “Especially with all that sugar.”

“Killjoy,” Tony chimed.

Bruce smiled, “don’t listen to me then.”

Tony rolled her eyes, her foot inching closer to Loki’s beneath the table. 

***

“We have to tell them,” Tony said, pacing through the living room of her own floor. Her hands were running through her hair, fly aways in all directions. “It’s relevant. It could be important, it  _ is  _ important. I mean, hell, maybe we’re not in immediate danger, he doesn’t know where we went but I can’t imagine it’d be much of a stretch for him to figure it out!” she shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. 

“Tony.”

“I’m human, he knows that, I’m from  _ Midgard  _ or whatever!” 

“Tony!” Loki grabbed her by the sleeve as she walked past in her pacing. “You need to calm down,” she said slowly, her voice placating. 

Tony’s chest felt heavy, her breathing speeding up. “Thanos is a _real_ threat, Loki. This is not just going to go away!”

“Tony,  _ sit!”  _ Loki pulled her down to the couch forcefully, catching the genius by surprise. “You think I don’t know what kind of threat Thanos poses?  _ I’m  _ the one he’s after.  _ I’m  _ the one that betrayed him- disappointed him! Is _indebted_ to him!” She shouted. Her grip on Tony tightened.

She whimpered softly as Loki’s thin but strong hand wrapped firmly around her wrist, edging on actually painful.

“It’s me he’s after!” Loki declared. “I dragged you into this!” 

Tony tried tugging her hand from Loki’s grip and goddess dropped it like she had been burnt, realizing she was harming the mortal. Softly, she pleaded, “forgive me.”

“Don’t worry about it."

Loki shook her head, reaching to place both hands on each side of Tony's face, hands tangling in her hair. She placed a soft kiss to the crown of Tony's head. "I apologize."

Tony's expression softened and she felt her racing heart even out. "You didn’t drag me into anything, Loki. It was Doom, remember,” she said. “It was his dumb ass we were fighting. His fucking machine that opened the wormhole. It was dumb luck the thing dropped us in Jotunheim. Well,” she conceded, “it  _ would be  _ if I believed in that shit. Victor might be an idiot, but there’s no way he didn’t know what he was doing.”

“Well, Jotunheim is no longer a secret among the villain class on this planet,” Loki allowed. 

As far as Tony was concerned, Doom was most likely keen on dropping Iron Man in the most desolate realm he could think of. It was a good idea, she would give him that much. 

The two of them ending up in Thanos’s hands was something even Doom and all his cheap devices couldn’t have foreseen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment. 
> 
> I hope to have the next chapter up soon but we'll see.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread my favorite comic series, marvel’s “1872” series where it's all old western and I was like, oh shit I should update my fic! So, yeah, this chapter is dedicated to gay cowboy Steve and Tony. I never knew I needed sheriff Steve Rogers until I had it and it was cruelly ripped away.
> 
> I hope you guys like this, it's all actually flashback.
> 
> I've been wanting to get this bit out for some time, so here goes!

****_ Five 1/2 Months Ago: _

Jotunheim wasn’t exactly the most luxury vacation spot Tony had visited. She was definitely leaving a bad review on Yelp. She sighed, throwing herself down on the frozen floor of the cave structure they were in. She was currently separated from Loki, they had taken the god(ess) away kicking and screaming in the early hours of the morning. Tony wasn’t really a  _ fan  _ of the magic wielding alien but none of this was sitting well with her. 

She had never seen the Asgardian so…  _ scared _ before. Loki had been nothing but an ass since they popped up on this stupid ice rock of a planet. Bossy and demanding. Rude and all-knowing. It was obnoxious and irritating. Tony had nearly punched her on twelve separate occasions. She didn’t know how long they’d been missing, but it was exactly eight Jotun days. Eight days of mindlessly moving through ice and snow. Heading  _ away  _ from the Frost Giants, Loki had sworn. But it was useless, obviously. They’d encountered a group of hunters that were  _ not  _ happy to see them. 

That was yesterday, or so Tony thought. It was more difficult to track day and night from inside a fucking cave. It was what Tony would constitute as this morning they had come for Loki. Bodily dragging her out of the cell. Loki had resisted, hands reaching for any purchase they could find. But they were stronger, and larger, than Loki. It was the sheer amount of fear in Loki’s emerald eyes that haunted Tony. 

She’d earned herself a knock to the head, unable to keep herself from stepping in. She told herself she wasn’t worried as she gingerly inspected her head wound. It bled a lot, but head wounds generally did. She had had far worse.

Tony sat in the back of the cell, legs stretched out in front of her, the Iron Man suit her only sense of comfort. She sat there until Loki came back. She heard noise down the hall and pulled herself to her feet, peeking out through the bars. Two Frost Giants were dragging her by each arm. The first thing Tony noticed as they drew closer was Loki’s complexion. She was… blue? It was definitely her though.

The Jotun heatedly shrieked something at Tony in a language she didn’t understand, but she got the gist all the same and stepped away from the door. They tossed Loki unceremoniously into the cell and the alien stumbled and fell in a heap.

Tony rushed to her side, caught off guard when Loki lashed out at her, sending Tony to the ground. “Ah! What the hell, Loki?” She hissed. 

“Get away from me,” she growled.   
Tony scrambled back. Loki was blue and her eyes- _“Fuck.”_ She shuffled away until her back met the cell wall. The uneven and rocky surface of exposed cave digging into her spine, but she ignored it. _“Christ!”_ She ran her hands through her wild hair. “What the fuck did they do to you?” Tony’s heart galloping painfully against the reactor in her chest.

Loki sat up, propping herself on trembling arms, her hair hanging loosely in her face. She looked like a mess. Her blue lips were split and bloodied and her claw like fingers dug into the cave floor for purchase. “I am fine,” she spat, the formation of the words seeming to take no small effort.

“Loki,” Tony noticed her voice shook. “You’re blue, you are actually fucking  _ blue,  _ so forgive me if this is insensitive, but what the  _ fuck!?  _ If you could just give me  _ something  _ here.” This was insane, what the fuck was going on? “Are you- did they…” Tony shook her head. “Are you one of them?” 

Loki looked livid, shocking red eyes sending a shiver up Tony’s spine as they locked onto her. If this shitshow was about to go  _ Predator  _ Tony was definitely tapping out. “I am  _ not  _ one of them!” Loki nearly screamed. Her voice harsh against the eery silence of the cave; reverberating.

Tony was honest to god frightened, feeling paralyzed under Loki’s gaze. It wasn’t a common emotion, but she was becoming uncomfortably familiar with it lately. Her heart was having a field day, beating against the reactor. Her whole chest ached. 

“I am nothing like  _ them.” _

“Okay, okay,” Tony plicated. “Fukin- Sorry I said anything.” She swallowed, feeling sick to her stomach. A moment of silence passed between them. “Are you okay?”

Loki leant against the back of the cell opposite Tony, folding into herself, arms wrapping around her middle protectively. She looked to be in pain. “I am  _ fine,  _ for the last time Stark.”

“Look, I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” Tony said, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. “So if you could maybe give me something to work with here?”

Loki swallowed. The silence stretching between them for a good five minutes. The soft omission came unexpectedly, “I am a Frost Giant by birth.” Her eyes ran along her thin fingers, tracing frosted veins that resided beneath thick blue skin. “Odin took me in when I was an infant.”

Tony pursed her lips into a thin line, remiss to interrupt the sudden confession. 

“I came out  _ wrong,”  _ she spat. “I can’t even be a proper monster.” Loki swallowed, hands folding into tight fists and she closed her eyes. “So Odin made me appear Asgardian. A crafted lie layered over a mistake.”

So Loki had some serious baggage, who’d’ve thought? Actually, Tony wasn’t all that surprise. It explained a lot. Tony felt an unprecedented surge of sympathy towards the woman in front of her laid bare, it made her uncomfortable. 

“They would have killed me,” Loki muttered. “I wouldn’t have survived Jotunheim anyway. It would have been a kindness.”

Tony didn’t know what to say, so she said the first thing that came to mind. “My dad didn’t want me,” she blurted.

Loki looked up at her through her heavy frown.

Tony cleared her throat, unsure where she was trying to go with this. “I mean, he wanted a boy. I- I don’t think he really wanted anything, but, ah, mom did, I think, and… I mean he was a man of his time I guess. That’s what people did. They got married and they had kids so I was an expectation but he never liked me.”

Loki looked at her, and the red eyes were hard to read but to Tony it looked like some form of gratitude in her eyes.

“I don’t- sorry, I just… nevermind.” Tony shook her head, frustrated with herself. 

The silence stretched between them and it made Tony squirm. The cave was cold, even through the suit, frozen and damp at the same time. She hated all of it. Her head was sore and her chest still ached. She swept her filthy hair out of her face, brushing it to one side. Tony sat, knees folded to her chest and chin in her hands. The silence was killing her. “You still haven’t told me why you’re a chick,” she blurted. Desperate to fill the quiet.

Loki leveled her with an icy stare. “Excuse me?”

Tony gestured with a lazy hand motion. “You’re a woman. You clearly  _ weren’t  _ before. So, what the hell, why?”

The goddess cocked her head as if she didn’t quite comprehend what Tony was asking her, or why. Ruby red eyes watching Tony like a hawk, the inventor had to refrain from fidgeting. “Why not?”

“What?” Tony scoffed. 

“Why not,” she reiterated. “I do not conform to your Midgardian social norms, I am not human. I am not like you. If I wish to take the physical form of a woman, then I shall. If I wish to be male, then that is my choice as well. I have the ability so I take advantage of it. It would be a shame not to.”

Tony blinked. “So… you just  _ switch  _ at will?”

Loki nodded. 

She shrugged, “alright. Fair is fair.”

Loki sighed heavily. “I learnt I had the ability at a young age. Frost Giants’ genders don’t exist the way they do on Earth. Or even on Asgard. For all the magic Odin could cast upon me, he could not change my biology. I am still as Frost Giant.”

“I’m assuming your trickster powers manifested early on,” Tony muttered.

“You would assume correct.”

Tony rolled her eyes. “I bet you were a complete terror.”

Loki’s lips quirked. Eyes drifting in the middle distance.

“Are you okay, really?” Tony reiterated. “What did they even want with you?” she asked. She had expected them to drag her off as well and was honestly surprised when they hadn’t. Tony hated all of this being in the dark. It was endlessly frustrating. Tony wasn’t a fucking damsel. She was Iron Man and she wanted to start throwing fists.

“My last visit to Jotunheim wasn’t exactly pleasant,” Loki muttered. “They are not my biggest fans, if you can believe it.”

Tony chuckled. “I figured you’d have a few intergalactic enemies. Just our luck we were dropped on their front stoop. So what’d you do to ‘em?”

“It was Thor, actually. He killed their king.”

Tony nearly choked. “What? Thor?  _ Our  _ Thor? Big puppy dog with the heart eyes. Eats me out of house and home. That Thor?” She shook her head. Unbelievable. “What, slaying kings like your Asgardian version of a stag night? What the fuck?” 

Loki ignored her. “They blame me in part for the death of Laufey. Doesn’t help that I am technically his offspring as well.”

“Fuck.”

“Indeed.”

Tony ran a hand across her face, rubbing harshly at her eyes. “Thor did say you were adopted.”

“Did he?”

Tony nodded and shrugged. “So your old man was a terrifying ice giant. Mine was an alcoholic warmonger. We should really start some kind of support group,” she said with a short laugh. She ran a hand through her hair, fingers catching in the dried blood.

“They hit you,” Loki said. “I hadn’t realized.”

“We humans are a bit more fragile than you aliens.”

Loki stood, pacing across the cell gingerly and taking a seat beside Tony. “Let me,” she said, carefully reaching out to clean away the wound.

 

///

 

The spent another day in the cell. Locked away in a poorly lit dungeon -- for lack of a better word -- Tony couldn’t tell the days apart, but it seemed to only be a single day. She tried to sleep, but it was virtually impossible. Tony didn’t think Loki tried at all to rest. She paced restlessly, unable to hold still. They brought them food once, and Tony was thankful she was accustomed to days without eating. Their so called  _ food  _ was nearly inedible as it was and it smelled even worse than it tasted.

Mostly Tony tried to think. Of anything. Of any way to get them out. She had nothing to work with though, other than a decent sized rock. The suit offered little since being virtually fried by Doom’s stupid device. How he had managed to pull that off was beyond her. He must have had help from someone actually mechanically inclined. She fiddled with it, tried to get it to work, but it was pointless. She missed Jarvis though. 

It was going on their third or maybe fourth day when the Frost Giants came back, the clinking of doors and heavy footfalls announcing their arrival. “I wouldn’t be too worried about them,” Loki said. “They’re more paladin class, they’re smaller than the others. It’s the kappi that we need to worry about.”

Tony swallowed. Yeah, smaller, but still four or more feet taller than Loki. Broader too. “They the real big ones?”

Loki nodded. “Larger than the one’s that found us even. The Frost Giants operate on a class system governed off of size.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fantastic. Even if these guys are considered small on this stupid planet, they did a number on both of us the other day.”

They opened the cell door and Loki moved to step between the Jotuns and Tony, her back tense. Two more entered the cell and grabbed Loki and Tony both, pulling them away from each other. “Someone wants to see you both,” the larger Jotun said, voice like gravel in a garbage disposal. 

Loki looked at Tony and their eyes locked. Loki’s hands trembled as her arms were forced behind her back, the two of them shoved out of the cell. Loki stumbled and Tony lept forward, “Loki -ah!” Tony yelped as she was caught around the bicep, arms jerked sharply behind her back, and slammed against the wall. Her cheek stinging with a sharp pain as it was mashed against the solid stone. Her ears ringing.

“I do not want to hear a word out of you,” the creature growled in Tony’s ear. Breath hot on her cheek.

She gulped, breathing heavily. “I get that a lot.”

The beast cuffed Tony before forcing her to follow Loki through the dungeon. The place looked less cavelike outside their cell, Tony was reluctant to admit it was architecturally quite beautiful. 

They were lead out of the sub basement and up into an open hall of pure marble and ice. It was freezing cold, a breeze blowing through the open space. Tony wasn’t dressed for it. She’d ditched the suit, leaving it in the cell. It wasn't keeping her warm anymore. Now dawning purely the insulated bodysuit and Loki’s coat. 

Loki came to stop, the Jotun leading her giving her a harsh shove to keep her moving. 

“Are you alright?” Tony asked, voice pitched low. 

Loki nodded.

They were lead to a large set of doors at the center of the hall. It was beautiful, dark blue with silver accents. While gorgeous, the entire place remained cold and impassive, sending a chill up Tony’s spine that had little to do with the temperature. Two guards, easily eleven feet tall, opened the doors.

“You’ll bow,” one growled at Tony and Loki. 

Tony shot Loki a look, copying Loki and she obeyed. Better safe than sorry, even if it didn’t sit well with her. 

“Queen Fárbauti.”

The figure that had sat silently at her crystallized throne lazily rose. Robes of grays, whites, and blues, draping around her. “Loki,” she drawled, her voice like tinkling glass. She approached, stopping before Tony and Loki both. “It’s so nice to see you again, my child.”

Loki swallowed. 


End file.
